Anxiety · Depression

January blues

tree-shorthills

I’ve got a bad case of the January blues today.  Mondays are tough for me.  I always have them off because my work is closed that day, but I rarely seem to enjoy them.  Maybe it’s feeling left out, like everyone else is out working and I’m not, even though I do work full time.  It’s just never felt like a holiday for me.On top of that, the days are short, dreary, cold and grey.  The holidays are over and there’s no pretty house lights to cheer me up.

I just couldn’t bring my mood up today.  I went for a jog on the treadmill this morning, I went to the dentist, I got groceries with my husband, I vacuumed the living room.  Still nothing.

On top of this, I am dealing with news about my childhood best friend.  This weekend, I found out he was convicted of a pretty heinous crime and is going to prison for the next few years.  I did find out he was on trial for the crime a while ago, but this news just brought all those feelings back to me all over again.  I had a dream about him last night, and it was pretty awful.  I  am trying so hard to sort out my feelings.  He was like a brother to me, and we were so close in such a special way.  I am usually a pretty good judge of character, but it is so hard for me to accept that sometimes good people can do such terrible things.  The world is all shades of grey.

The January blues are not a new phenomenon for me, in fact I’ve had them ever since I was a child and would cry the night before I had to go back to school after the holidays.  So today, I tried to think, is there an upside to the way I’m feeling?

Maybe it’s that the January blues are trying to tell me something, that it’s a good time to be inspired by travel.  I’ve often been motivated in January to plan trips or dream about exotic locations (and it’s no coincidence that most of them are to warm places).  A few years ago I read an article in a magazine about Easter Island, and it led me to explore Polynesian culture, which has long held a fascination for me.  I love to watch or read things about this part of the world – Moana is a great example of this.  Not only is it a fantastic movie, the scenery is stunning and makes me want to visit.  A long time ago when I was devouring Elizabeth Peters’ Amelia Peabody mystery series I had an intense craving to go to Egypt.  It still flares up from time to time, usually around this time of year.

Right now, this is all I can do: put one foot in front of the other.  Dream about my upcoming trip in the spring.  Keep drawing.  Keep working.  Attend the new French class I signed up for.  Keep exercising.  Keep talking about how i feel to the people I love.  Pour my heart out in this blog.

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